Ideas that challenge / comfort / inspire
Stephen Goforth
Language that speaks of hopes, dreams, and affirmations (“You are the best!”), this kind of language--let’s call it high motivation--has its role. High motivation is not the kind of language that ignites people. What works is.. speaking to the ground-level effort, affirming the struggle. Phrases like, “Wow, you really tried hard,” or “Good job, dude,” motivate far better than empty praise.
Daniel Coyle, The Talent Code
The more children know that you value them, that you consider them extraordinary people, the more willing they will be to listen to you and afford you the more willing they will be to listen to you and afford you the same esteem. And the more appropriate your teaching, based on your knowledge of them, the more eager your children will be to learn from you. And the more they learn, the more extraordinary the will become, If the reader senses the cyclical character of this process, he or she is quite correct and is appreciating the truth of the reciprocity of love. Instead of a vicious downward cycle, it is a creative upward cycle of evolution and growth. Value creates value. Love begets love.
M Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled
Spend time with nice people who are smart, driven and like-minded. Relationships should help you, not hurt you. Surround yourself with people who reflect the person you want to be. Choose friends who you are proud to know, people you admire, who love and respect you – people who make your day a little brighter simply by being in it. Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.
Renee Jones, read more here
Be intentional about learning what the other person wants to communicate and respond to their feelings.
Listen to what they’re telling you and suppress the urge to fix the issue, problem solve, or change the way they are feeling about the situation.
Put your own feelings aside to create a space where another person can speak his or her mind—which requires staying calm.
Suspending judgment and simply taking in what is being said can go a long way towards helping someone feel heard or diffusing an argument.
Show that you are actively listening and are truly understanding what the other person is saying by mirroring back what someone has said. Include phrases like ‘it sounds like’ or ‘it seems like.’
Take the time for silence in a discussion, showing that you’re processing what is being talked about and giving it the space that it needs to sink in properly.
Edited from Jeremy Brown writing in Fatherly
Having an appreciation for how amazing the people around you are leads to good places – productive, fulfilling, peaceful places. So be happy for those who are making progress. Cheer for their victories. Be thankful for their blessings, openly.
Renee Jones (read more here)
“Too often, we think of joy passively,” psychologist Marisa Franco said. “We see it as something that comes to us, instead of something we can generate.” But you don’t need to wait for someone else’s good news to exercise freudenfreude, she explained.
Cultivate joy by inviting others to share their victories. You might ask: “What was the bright spot of your day?” or “I could use some good news. What’s the best thing that happened to you this week?” Asking about other people’s wins turns you into a joy spectator, giving you a chance to witness them at their best.
Juli Fraga writing in the New York Times
Praising or criticizing outcomes tends to lead to a fixed mindset. Tell me I'm good at science and I'll start to think my skills are innate; tell me I'm terrible at math and I'll begin to believe there's no hope for me.
Praising effort and application tends to lead to a growth mindset. Praise me for working hard on a project and I'll begin to believe that effort makes anything possible. Praise me for hanging in there even though I initially failed, and I'll begin to believe that perseverance makes eventual achievement possible. Praise me for taking a risk, and I'll begin to believe that trying new things--especially things I'm not good at--is a natural step on the road to achievement.
Jeff Haden writing in Inc.
You have become acquainted with disappointments, broken dreams, and disillusionment. Crisis seems to be your closest companion. Like a ten-pound sledge, your heartache has been pounding you dangerously near desperation. Unless I miss my guess, negativism and cynicism have crept in. You see little hope around the corner. As one wag put it, "The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train." You are nodding in agreement, but probably not smiling. Life has become terribly unfunny.
Tired, stumbling, beaten, discouraged friend, taken heart! The Lord God can and will lift you up. No pit is so deep that he is not deeper still. No valley so dark that the light of His truth cannot penetrate.
Charles Swindoll, Encourage Me
Your telephone rings and the voice at the other end says, “Friend, don’t be disturbed. I don’t want to borrow any money and I have no favors to ask. I just thought I would call and tell you that I think you’re one of the nicest persons who ever draw a breath of air. You are an asset to your profession and a credit to your community. You’re the kind of person I like to be with because every time I’m around you, I feel inspired and motivated to do a better job. I wish I could see you every day because you motivate me to be my best self. That’s all I want to say, friend. Look forward to seeing you soon.”
Now, if a close friend called you and said those things to you what kind of day would you have? Remember, you know the words are sincere because they are coming from a close friend.
If you were a doctor, would you be a better doctor? If you were a teacher, would you be a better teacher? Regardless of who you are or what you do, you know in your own mind you wouldn’t only be better at your job, but you would be happier wouldn’t you?
How much more would you know about being a doctor? Or a sales person? Or a lawyer? How much more would you know if you had gotten that phone call? The answer obviously is you wouldn’t know any more. Still, in your own mind you know you would be better and happier.
You would say, "I’m an asset to my community and a credit to my profession. That old boy said so and he is one more smart cookie."
You wouldn’t argue with him for one single moment. You would see yourself in a different light. Your self-image would change and at that instant an interesting thing happens. Your confidence goes up and when your confidence goes up, your competence goes up at the same time.
Since you know what this kind of phone call would do for you, why don’t you do the same thing for someone else?
Zig Ziglar, See You at the Top
A New York businessman dropped a dollar into the cup of a man selling pencils and hurriedly stepped aboard the subway train. On second thought, he stepped back off the train, walked over the beggar and took several pencils from the cup. Apologetically, he explained that in his haste he had neglected to pick up his pencils and hoped the man wouldn’t be upset with him. “After all,” he said, “you are a businessman just like myself. You have merchandise to sell and it’s fairly priced.” Then he caught the next train.
At a social function a few months later, a neatly-dressed salesman stepped up to the businessman and introduced himself. “You probably don’t remember me and I don’t know your name, but I will never forget you. You are the man who game me back my self-respect. I was a “beggar” selling pencils until you came along and told me I was a businessman.”
The greatest good we can do for anyone is not to share our wealth with them, but rather to reveal their own wealth to them.
Zig Ziglar, See You at the Top
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